November is National Adoption Month. A month to celebrate adoption, a month to bring awareness to all the children in the world that have nobody they can call Mommy and Daddy.
In honor of National Adoption Month I have decided to list a few adoptive family Do's and Don'ts.
- When someone tells you they are adopting, don't assume they cannot conceive. Adoption is NOT a second choice.
- Don't tell someone that is adopting that they will probably get pregnant after the adoption because (a) it's none of your business (b) maybe they wouldn't like to, you probably have no idea what goes on in their private life and (c) if a couple has struggled with infertility they just don't need to hear this AGAIN from you.
- Don't ask a person that is adopting if "they can have their own children." Again, it's none and I mean NONE of your business and most importantly these ARE our own children.
- When an adoptive family tells you that their child is from another country Don't start spouting off all the reasons why there are so many children available for adoption in the country they have chosen unless you are 100% positive that your facts are correct.
- This is one of my favorites! Don't tell us how to bond with our newly adopted children. We have been schooled in this by trained professionals. Our children, even though they might look just like yours, have been through hell. They Do need the special boundaries and restrictions we impose upon them. They Do need us to implement all the "silly rules" that you just don't understand.
- Don't ask me if my kids like rice, just because they are Chinese. That is akin to me asking you if you like hot dogs because you're American!
- Don't even waste you breath telling a person in the process of an adoption that , your third cousin once removed, adopted a child and then continue on with some nightmarish tale that is probably as full of sh*t as you are. We know the risks of adoption but we also know the joys. And the latter far out weigh the crap that you are about to spew.
- If you are standing behind me in the grocery store and notice that my children are Asian please Don't tap me on the shoulder and ask in either your loudest voice or the equivalent of your stage whisper, "if they are adopted?" I have NEVER asked someone if their children were biological, to me, the idea of asking that is preposterous.
- DON'T ask me if my girls are REAL sisters. They have the same parents therefore they are REAL sisters. 'nuff said.
- If you are interested in adopting a child Do make that clear when you approach me and start your rapid fire questions. If you are wanting information I can help you but if I think you are just being rude and nosey you will receive a snippy little retort to your questions.
- Another biggie here: DON'T ask me if we know who their real parents are? I will willingly slap you upside the head for this one. We ARE their real parents. If you want to know about their biological parents use that term. When I remind you of the correct term DON'T say, Oh you know what I mean. Another slap upside your head for that comment.
- DO explain to me what exactly you mean when you ask, "are you going to teach them their real language? I always thought English was a real language. Any other languages they speak is again, none of your business
- DON'T tell me that our girls are so lucky. Lucky? They were given up by their birthparents for reasons that we can only imagine. They spent the 1st years of their lives in an orphanage, in some cases with little food and warmth. They had no one to hold them when they were sick, or hurting and they had no one to love them and no one to teach them how to love, no one to kiss them and wipe away their tears and you call that lucky? We are the lucky ones and please Don't forget it.
- DON'T introduce us as, Dan, Brandi, Amanda, Emilee...and their adopted daughter, Kalia. Well you can, I suppose, if you want me to introduce your family as, Jack, Jenny and their STUPID parents. We are a family and it is nobodies business how we became one.
- DON'T ever ask me how much they cost particularly if my children are present. Before you think that no one would ever be that rude, think again.
- Do treat my children the same as everyone else's.
- Do recognize adoption as what it is, a wonderful way to build a forever family.
- After reading this I DO hope that you will think before opening your mouth especially if you value your teeth.
- Thank you and good night. xoxoxoxox
(I totally copied this from another blog, but thought it was important to spread the word and it definitely applies to us, as well)